Okay, kids. Get out of myway.
This fence is no match for my cat-like grace and reflexes. Here we go.
[ Neck Muscles, Knuckles Cracking ] [ Exhales ]
Ow. Okay. Watch me fly, kids. [ Wheezing Laugh ]
[Loud Crash ] [ Grunting ]
Ow!
I don't think the little girl's even trying.
What aboutyour cat-like... reflexes?
What about showing a little effort, shrimp boat? Now, push!
Whaa!
All right, Nevins.
Time to die.
- [ Whimpering ] - Cat, you scared him away!
Dirty hoe.
I'm sorry, baby. I loveyou. Hmm.
[ Conrad] Come on, Cat!
[ Yipping ] There he is!
[ Children Shouting]
[Man ] Happybirthday, Denise.
[Sally] Denise?
Everyone I know is there.
There's Ginny and Alan.
How come Denise didn't invite me to her birthday?
Don't worry. Let'sjust get Nevins and go.
-[Woman ] Okay, kids. Everyone outside! - [ Kids Screaming ]
[ Yelling ]
Aaah!
Nevins. Cat, get down! They're gonna see you!
Hide!
[ Excited Shouting ]
[ Chanting ] Pi'nata! Pi'nata! Pi'nata!
Pi'nata! Pi'nata!
[ Nervous Grumbling ]
- [ Groans ] - Everybodyjoin in!
[ Girl ] It's breaking!
Step out of myway.
This cannot end well.
- Pi'nata! Pi'nata! - [ Howling ]
# I'm easy#
# Ah, ah, ah, ah# [ Whinnying ]
# I'm easy like Sundaymorning##
- [ Howling ] - [ Both Groaning ]
[Howling Continues ]
Oh-ho-ho! Whoo!
- Oh! Whoo-hoo! - I got an idea.
[ Conrad] Candy!
[ Growls ]
[ Both ] No!
Get back! Cat!
[ Cat Grunts ] I'll get you!
[ Sighs ] [Phone Rings ]
[ Gasping ] I'd love to buy some.
Hello, Mrs. Kwan. It's Joan Walden.
I just called to check on the kids. Are they okay?
[ Chuckles ] Those aren't children.
They're little angels.
[ All Laughing ]
That's sweet.
Well, all right, Mrs. Kwan. I'll be home as soon as I can.
Bye-bye. Bye.
[Things Babbling]
[ Sighs ]
[ Groans, Snores ]
[Excited Chortling]
[ Cat] All right, soldier. Ourbogeyis in range.
Commence search and destroy.
- What? - Search and rescue.
I meant search and rescue. Come on!
I can't believe I wasn't invited to that party.
Hey! You're a lone wolf.
[ Whispering ] Live alone, die alone. Yeah.
- Can we please get the dog? - [ Mocking ] Can we please get the dog?
Boo!
[ Conrad] Oh, no! Oh, man!
Hello, Nevins. Good-bye, Conrad.
Not so tough now, are you? [ Barks ]
[SinisterLaughing]
[ Hooting Laugh ]
We're dead. We're never gonna get that crate shut.
And I'm getting shipped off to Colonel Von Kronk's School forWayward Boys!
Why don't we take my car? You have a car?
Yeah, sure. [ CarAlarm Chirps ]
[Engine Starts, Tires Screech ]
Wow. That is so cool.
That's just the dust cover.
Here she is, the Super Luxurious Omnidirectional Whatchamajigger.
Or S.L.O.W. for short.
S.L.O.W.?.
Yeah, SLOW. It's better than the last name we had.
Super Hydraulic Instantaneous Transporter.
- Oh, you mean-- - Ohh! Quick, to the SLOW. [ Chortling ]
[ Grunts ] Buckle up, kids.
We're on a mission to get that dog, and we will not rest until we find and destroy it.
Rescue it! Rescue it! Of course I meant rescue it.
Whatever. Remember, kids, there's nothing faster than SLOW.
That's backwards! It makes no sense. Look at you! Argh!
Okay, here we go. G.P.S.-- check.
DvD, CD-- check.
Someone from Czechoslovakia is a... Czech. [ Chortling ]
Siren! What are you-- What--
Siren? [Screaming]
Let's go!
Whoo-whoa-ho-ho! [ Hooting ]
Hi there! How are you? Yeah! [ Giggling ]
[ Engine Backfiring ] [ Laughing ]
[ All Yelling ]
# I'm sending Conrad away #
- Oh! Oh! - [ Barking ]
[ Sniffs ] Oh! [Barks]
I can't believeyou whizzed on mytaco!
[Barking Continues ]
Wait till Joan gets a load ofyou!
[ Laughing ] [Barking]
- There they are! - [Fish ] Redlight, redlight, red light, red light!
Red light!
[ All Screaming ]
- Someone else should drive. - All right. You win.
Concrete, you drive. Are you serious?
I don't know.
A little voice inside of me is saying, "This is a bad idea,"
but I can barely hear that little voice...
because an even louder little voice is screaming, "Let the 1 2-year-old drive!"
Now, punch it! [ Imitating Engine ]
[ Grunts ]
This is awesome!
[ Gagging ]
- [ Retching ] - [ Groans ]
- I want to drive. - I think that's a great idea.
[ Chuckling ]
Wait! Two people can't drive at the same time.
You're right. We should all drive. [ Chortling ]
[Tires Screeching] [ Yelling ]
- Cat! Where are the brakes? - I'll get them.
I think there's something wrong with your brakes. When's the last time you had them checked?
[ Chortling] Badbrake!
[ Screaming ]
One-waystreet, one-waystreet, one-waystreet, one-waystreet!
- [ Gasping, Screaming ] - [ Truck Horn Honking ]
Hey, Rhode Island license plate. You never see those.
[ Horn Honking ]
Om. Om.
[Loud Clanging]
Air bag. Standard.
[ Panting ]
I think... I wet... myjar.
Can we do that again?
[ Alarm Chirps ] [ Gasps ]
Hey, there he is!
[ Laughing ]
[Conrad] Oh, no! He's going into Mom's office!
Come on, Cat!
[ Whistles ] You know, Nevins,
when Joan finds out you've escaped again, Conrad will be moving out,
and I'll be moving in.
[ Conrad] We've gotta get Nevins and that lock back. [Sally] What are we gonna do?
Don't worry. I have three plans.
Plan "A": " Mess up a perfectly clean house."
Done that. Plan " B": "Cut your losses and ditch the kids."
- That could work. - What about that one?
Plan "C": "Trick Mom's boyfriend into handing over dog and lock."
I don't know. I still like Plan "B."
- [ Both ] Cat! - Okay, okay. Plan "C."
Look at you. Argh!
[ Whining ] Excuse me, sir.
I'd like you to sign my petition. Yeah.
Get out of myway, you hippie freak.
Are you aware ofthe senseless, wholesale slaughter...
ofthe flatulating, acid-spitting Zumzizeroo?
What will it take to getyou out of my face?
Just sign my petition...
with this large, oversized pen that requires two hands.
Isee. [ Loud Click]
- Will you hold my dog? - Yes!
Okay, I have a problem with the word "dog."
I don't use the "D" word per se 'cause I think it's really, reallywrong.
Yeah. But I willhappily holdyour Canine-American.
- I'm more comfortable with that really, yeah. - [ Giggling ]
# How much is that Canine-American in the window #
[ Both ] Cat! Come on!
-[Nevins Barking] - Hey, what the--
[ Cat] Go, go, go! Come back here! I'm on to you kids!
- Nothing to see here. Keep moving! Go! - [ Panting ]
[ Whistle Blows ] Come on! Let's go. Ah, get in, get in!
Come on, let's go. Get in! Hi, hi. Get in! Get in!
#[Dance ] Look out below!
Oh! Sorry. Over there.
[Hooting] Hey! Hey, hey! Hey, hey!
[Feet Screeching] Ohh!
Oh! [ Laughing ]
I got you!
Here he comes! [ Both ] Cat!
[ Yelling ]
- [ Woman Screams ] - Where's my hat? Oh! Go! Go, go!
Go! Let's go! My tail, my tail.
Come on, Cat! [ Grunts ] I'm walking here!
[ AngryWhimpering ] [Horn Honking]
Joan.Joan! [ Whimpering ]
- I thinkwe lost him. - Not the pocket. Not the pocket!
- We got the lock back. Now let's get home. - Relax, kid. I'm all over it.
[ Wheezing Laugh ] Hey.
What's wrong? This.
This is not my hat. I must have picked up the wrong hat back there.
- So? - So...
without my hat, I'm justyour garden-variety six-foot-tall talking cat.
Joan,your children are running around town like complete maniacs.
Yes, they are. With some weird, hairy man in a big hat.
Uh-huh.
You're gonna bel ieve everythi ng I 'm tel I i ng you once we get to your house, okay? Come on.
We're doomed!
We're dead. This is all my fault. I'm such an idiot.
Why do I always have to do the opposite ofwhat I'm supposed to?
Wait a second. That's it! The opposite!
Hey, Things! Don't help us!
Do not show up and help us get home right now!
- We're goin' on a road trip! - Larry's car?
How'd you get so smart? [ Chortling ]
[Narrator] So the race was on to get back home first.
[ Conrad ] Hang on! We gotta beat Mom and Quinn home!
[Narrator] But back at theirhome, things werejust getting worse.
There's Mom and Larry!
Step on it,Joan. Go, go, go, go, go.
Oh, Things, do not do anything to slow down my mom.
[ Things ] Slow down Mom!
[ Whooping ]
[ Chattering ]
[ Quinn ] Look,Joan, they don't beat them every day.
[Siren Wailing] Oh, great.
[ Siren Continues ]
[ Clears Throat ] I'm sorry, Officer. Was I speeding?
Mekka dekka license, appa registration.
Mekka dekka, you're one hot mama.
Hey, that's my car. Joan, we better go right away!
Please let me handle this.
Sorry, I guess I was in a hurry to get home.
- I'm not gonna let them get awaywith this! - [ Babbling ]
[ Yelling ]
[ Siren Wailing ]
Meet me at the house!
Not so fast, you little maggots! Ha-ha!
Oh, you are so busted. Now get inside.
You don'twant to go in there. It's going to be a total-- Aah!
What? Sally, what happened?
What about the mother ofall messes? I don't know.
[ Sneezes ] Why am I sneezing?
That'd be me. Boo!
You're a giant-- [ Sneezing ]
cat!
[ Screaming ]
Judas Priest!
Ooh. Mama mia.
What happened to our house?
It's the mother of all messes. Yup!
Pure, unadulterated fun without any good sense orjudgment.
See, Corn Dog, this is why I warned you...
not to open the crate.
- [ Birds Honking ] - Although, on the plus side,
I think people will be talking about tonight's party for the rest oftheir lives.
- [ Nevins Whines ] - [ Groans ]
- We gotta shut the crate! Come on! - Okay.
[ Cat Chuckling ]
Let's take the front hall carpet. [ Chortling ]
- This can't be the front hall. - This is what happens when you mixyourworld and myworld.
Oh, and when you eat bad shellfish.
Let's go! Oh, yeah!
Cat, how do we find the crate? Beats me.
This hat is worthless, and it makes me look fat.
- Where's Mrs. Kwan? - Oh-ho-ho!
Here she comes, right on schedule.
- Oh, yeah! - We're going to ride Mrs. Kwan?
Sure! It's the only way to the crate. Hop on!
Oh, this is gonna be good!
Please keep your hands and feet in the Kwan at all times!
Enjoy the ride! [ Chortling ]
Ladies and gentlemen, the dining room. Ohh! [Laughing]
[ Sally ] This is the dining room? [ Clock Cuckooing]
Hey, look. Chandelier!
[ Chuckling ]
[ Conrad] Is that the bathroom?
You might want to hold it for a while.
Something like that really burns my--
[ All ] Aaah!
This is amazing! It's like a ride at an amusement park!
You mean, like at... Universal Studios.
[ Laughing ] Cha-ching.
Whoa!
[ All Screaming ]
- [ Cat] Whoa! - [ Grumbling ]
Please exit the Kwan toyour left. Have a nice day!
This is ridiculous. I have to get home.
[ Grunting ] Police brutality! Illegal choke hold!
Where are we? The living room, I think.
Ah, man! My eyes are closed.
Ifthere's no line, could we go back and do that again? There's the crate!
Oh! [ Chortling ]
Ifwe shut the crate, the house will go back to normal.
You have the lock?
Got it! Come on! Let's go!
Sally! [ Both Grunting ]
- Come on! - It won't shut!
Sally! Everything is disappearing up there!
- Help! - Sally!
- Oh! Oh! - Sal-- Aaah!
- Help me, Conrad! - Sally!
Help me! I can't hold on!
Hang on! Help me, Conrad!
Help! Sally, I can't reach the lock!
- No! - I can't saveyou unless you let go!
Okay.
[ Screaming ] Help me!
- [ Lock] Yes! - [ Screaming ]
[Crashing, Groaning] [Birds Chirping]
[ Yelling ]
[ Gurgling] Ugh!
I did it! I did it!
I didit! I did it! I did it!
[ Laughing ] I did it! I did it!
Okay, "we" did it.
I don't think we did anything.
The place is still a wreck. You said ifwe shut the crate, everything would be okay!
But it's not. It's a complete disaster!
Well, what areyou gonna do?
Tennis, anyone?
[Metal Popping]
[Balls Rolling] [ Sniffing ]
Ooh! [ Purring ]
Love that new ball smell. Yeah.
- Hey, your hat-- it's magic again? - Oops.
Well, now that the cat's out ofthe bag, to use an archaic and cruel-sounding metaphor,
why don'tyou serve first?
You had your real hat this whole time?
Uh-yup. I planned the whole day. [ Wheezing Laugh ]
- What doyou mean, you planned the whole day? All ofit? - Uh-yup.
- The house getting trashed? - Uh-yup.
- Quinn taking Nevins? - Uh-yup.
- Cutting offyour tail? - Uh-nope. No.
You even knew I'dopen the crate?
Why doyou think I made it my one rule? I knewyou couldn't resist.
Now, who's up for a game ofCanadian doubles?
[Loud Crashing]
Cat, you said nothing bad would happen.
Cat, you need to get out.
I don't know that game. It's not a game.
None ofthis is a game!
- But I thoughtyou two wanted to have fun today. - Look around, Cat.
You were right. It's fun to have fun, butyou have to know how.
You don't know when enough is enough. Now, go!
Suzy.
Cromwell.
Please.
[ Both ] Out!
[ Sparking ]
Good riddance!
Now, this may not be the time for "I told you so," but--
Like I said, not the time.
I'll get the mop and bucket.
Conrad, you might want to get out ofhere until Mom has a chance to calm down.
No. This was my fault. I'll take the blame.
Look, Mom will be home any second. Why don'tyou go upstairs?
I'm not going upstairs. I'm staying with you.
Really? Why? Two reasons.
One, the stairs are destroyed.
Two, this is just as much my fault as yours.
We should share the blame.
Thanks, Sally.
By the way,
you're a pretty good brother.
Glad you think that. Maybe we can room together at military school.
[Doorknob Turning]
Well, here goes.
[ Chortling ]
# Bet you thought I'd gone Bet you felt a sting #
# Betyou neverthought I'dhave anothersong to sing#
# But now that you've learned your lesson Allow me to blow your mind #
# By reading to you the small print of the contract that you signed ##
Okay, section eight, article 93, subparagraph 834.
Right bythe chilistain. [ Chuckles ]
It reads, "IfConrad, a.k.a. Concrete, should open the crate--
"and we know he will-- the contract shall be null and void.
"However,
ifSally and Conrad should learn from their mistakes, the contract shall be reinstated."
I thinkyou two have satisfied the legal burden oflearning.
[ Both ] Yeah!
So there's just one last game to play. It's called "Clean Up The House."
Kids, meet the Dynamic Industrial Renovating Tractormajigger.
[ Both ] D-I-R-T?
That's right!
[ Chortling ] # It's gettingbetter all the time#
# I used to get mad at myschool# Ta-da!
# The teachers who taught me weren't cool#
# You're holding me down #
# Turning me 'round#
# Filling me up with your rules # # Ooh-ooh #
# I've got to admit it's getting better # # Better #
# A little better all the time #
# It can 't get no worse #
# I have to admit it's getting better # # Better #
# A little better since you've been mine #
- [ Cat Chortling ] - Hee-hee! [ Babbl i ng ]
# Me used to be an angryyoung man #
# Me hiding my head in the sand#
[ Horn Honks ] # You gave me the word I finally heard#
# I'm doing the best that I can, yeah #
# I've got to admit it's getting better #
# Better # # A little better all the time #
# Can't get no worse #
# I have to admit it's getting better #
# Better # # It's getting better #
# Since you've been mine # Oh, yeah!
# Getting so much better # These drapes are so out,
# All the time # they're in!
# It's getting better all the time # [ Chortling ] Yeah!
- # Better, better, better # - Spin! Spin!
# It's getting better all the time #
# Better, better, better #
[ Blubbering ]
[ Chortling ] Ooh! Ooh!
# I have to admit it's getting better #
# A little better all the time # [ Barking]
# It can't get no worse # # Yes, I admit it's getting better #
-# It's getting better # - Bye!
# Since you've been mine #
# Getting so much better all the time ##
Okay, we had some good ti mes.
We cleaned up the house.
We even managed to work in an up-tempo pop tune for the sound track.
That's important.
I guess there's just one last thing to check.
[ Gurgling ] Huh?
[ Dings ]
Looks like everything's in balance,
butyou're still smoking waytoo many cigars.
- Andyou--layoffthesauce! - [ Chuckles ]
Cat,
this day has been... amazing.
Thankyou, Cat.
For everything.
Conrad?
Sally?
Adieu.
- [Sally] Cat! - Cat!
- Huh? - Wait, Cat. - Don't go!
[ Chuckles ]
Uh-oh!
[ Chortling ]
All right, kids. This place betternot be a mess.
I'm... home?
Hi, Mom. Hi, Mom.
Miss Walden, home so soon? The children were angels.
- Thanks, Mrs. Kwan. - Hello,Joan.
[ Gasps ] Lawrence, what happened toyou?
They... happened to me.
Your demonic children.
[Panting] Theydestroyedyourhouse!
Uh--
[ Quinn ] The house was alive. The wall was made ofpaper.
I fell off the cliff. And the giant cat--
The giant cat!
[ Whispers ] Tell her.
Larry, Larry.
You look terrible,
and my mom thinks you're insane.
This is what we in sales call "a win-win scenario."
Joan, you are passing up the opportunity ofa lifetime.
You knowwhat kind ofkid your boy is.
I mean, who areyou going to believe?
You're right. I do know what kind ofkid Conrad is.
He can be irresponsible.
Yes! He makes bad choices.
Sometimes he makes me want to tear my hair out. Yes! Yes! Yes!
But he's a good kid, and I believe in him.
Now, I'd likeyou to leave.
Wha--Joan.Joan.
Joan.Joan.
Oh,Joan,Joan,Joan! [ Crying ]
[ Sneezes ]
[ Groaning ]
- Will you marry me,Joan? - [ Groans ]
Oh,Joan,Joan, Joan,Joan.
[Sobbing]
[ Squeals ] Yes! Yeah!
[Both Laughing] [Conrad] Yeah!
Oh, that's nice. [ Snoring ]
[People Chattering]
Mr. Humberfloob? Whoa-ho-ho!
Almost got me again. Enjoy the party.
Mr. Humberfloob. Joan, the party's a hit and the house is immaculate.
Congratulations.
[Woman ] Miss Walden. Uh, Miss Walden.
Chicka-ow, chicka-ow, chica-yee-haw! Hi, Mom!
Honey,your cupcakes are a huge hit. What didyou put in them?
Mom, you can make cupcakes out of anything.
Areyou telling me you can make cupcakes out ofanything?
- Anything. - Anything?
So what did you kids do today, huh?
[Narrator] Well, what wouldyou do ifyour mother askedyou?
The family was whole, all thanks to the Cat,
who was dashing and charming, no doubt about that.
He was witty and cultured...
and, well, very endearing...
and tremendously attractive,
but i n a sort of real way.
You know, ki nd of an approachable way that I think you don't see these days--
[ Normal Voice ] Oh! Hello! I was just, uh--
I really should be going. [ Chuckles ]
How'd they get so smart?
[ Whooping ] [ Chortling ]
[ All Laughing ] Oh, yeah!
Whoo!
[ Chortling ]
Come on, Things! Let's go!
What's on my schedule for tomorrow?
What doyou say we go on vacation? [ Chortling ]
How 'bout Hawaii? I like Hawaii.
I should warn you, there are certain places that don't allow certain Things.
[Chuckling] Oh, Things are complicated.
# Things are getting weird Things are getting tough #
# Nothing's making sense butyou keep on looking up #
# They tellyou to be true You're trying every day #
# To keep it on the real Stillyou gotta find a way #
# To make your mama happy To make your papa proud#
# You wanna turn it up but allyou hear is "tone it down "#
# So gather 'round I'm here to say #
# You'll never make everybody's day #
# But while you're around you might as well #
# Catch the tiger by its tail #
# And hang on hang on, hang on #
# Everybodyjust get on get on, get on #
# Get started and go on, go on, go on #
# Everybodyjust hold on #
# Sometimes I wanna cry or throw the towel in #
# You try to bring me down but I'll take it on the chin #
# And everywhere I go the people are the same #
# Theyjust want to know that everything will be okay #
# When things are getting rough they turn it back around#
# You gotta turn it up when they tellyou "tone it down "#
# So gather 'round I'm here to say #
# You'll never make everybody's day #
# But while you're around you might as well #
# Catch the tiger by its tail #
# And hang on hang on, hang on #
# Everybodyjust get on, get on, get on #
# Get started and go on, go on, go on #
# Everybodyjust hold on #
#just hang on #
# So gather 'round I'm here to say #
# You'll never make everybody's day #
# But while you're around you might as well #
# Catch a tiger by its tail #
# And hang on hang on, hang on #
# Everybodyjust get on, get on, get on #
# Get started and go on, go on, go on #
# Everybodyjust hold on #
# Hang on, hang on, hang on #
# Everybodyjust get on, get on, get on #
# Get started and go on, go on, go on #
# Everybodyjust hold on #
#just hang on ##